Heather’s Christmas Favorites

Home Alone
This is my house; I have to defend it.

When I was a little kid I loved going to the theater to see movies more than any person I knew. Usually my whole family would go together, and on the ride home I would make everyone go around and say what they liked about the movie, what they didn’t like about the movie, what were their favorite lines, etc. (God created the Internet for people like me.) The point is, I saw a lot of movies growing up, and the only one I ever remember my whole family just loving was Home Alone.

Watching the movie with people of different ages is kind of Rashomon-y because parents see a bratty kid who gets stuck at home and learns how valuable his family is. Younger people see a cute kid that gets dumped on by his unappreciative family, until they leave him home alone and realize how awesome he is. The thing I think we can all agree on is that Buzz was headed for juvie.

Chris Columbus takes a lot of crap for making simple movies, but what people don’t talk about is how they nearly always stand the test of time. Home Alone is just as awesome now as it was in 1990. Part of it is the iconic holiday stuff Columbus incorporates, like How The Grinch Stole Christmas and a stellar soundtrack featuring Irving Berlin’s “White Christmas,” Brenda Lee’s “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree,” and Mel Tome’s “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” Plus, John Williams’ scored it, which means instant classic.

Also, have you ever noticed how everything about the McAllister house just makes you feel Christmas-y? The wallpaper, the paint, the carpet, the decorations: everything is red and green. Everything Kevin wears has either reindeer or is holiday-color plaid.

And now matter how old you are, it never stops being funny when Joe Pesci takes it in the nads with a crow bar and Daniel Stern gets walloped in the face with a hot iron.

Classic lines:

“I’m going to give you to the count of ten to get your ugly, yellow, no-good keester off my property before I pump your guts full of lead. 1 … 2 … 10. Ha ha ha! Keep the change, you filthy animal.”

“Say goodnight, Kevin.” “Goodnight, Kevin.”

“This house is so full of people it makes me sick. When I grow up and get married, I’m living alone. Do you hear me? [jumping up and down] I’M LIVING ALONE! I’M LIVING ALONE!”

Seinfeld, The Strike
It’s Christmas for some, a Festivus for the rest of us!

Christmas-themed TV episodes are my favorite, so unlike every other category of every other thing in my life, I can’t pick the one I like best. Instead I give you another classic enjoyed by my whole family: Seinfeld‘s, “The Strike.”

George makes up a charity called The Human Fund, and lies to his co-workers that he donated money in their names instead of getting them gifts. His dad, meanwhile, celebrates his made up holiday called Festivus. Instead of gifts and carols, George’s family celebrates with the Festivus Pole, the Festivus Dinner, the Airing of Grievances, Feats of Strength, and Festivus Miracles. George is forced to take his boss to his family’s celebration when he finds out that George’s Human Fund is bogus. And Kramer returns to the bagel shop after a 12-year strike, only to re-strike when his boss won’t give him time off to celebrate Festivus.

Classic lines:

“And is there a tree?” “”No, instead, there’s a pole. It requires no decoration. I find tinsel distracting.”

“And at the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around, and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year!”

“Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.”

“”Another Festivus Miracle!”

3 Responses to “Heather’s Christmas Favorites”
  1. Jennie says:

    Yes! Home Alone! Joe and I went to see it in the theater a couple of weeks ago and it was just as good as I remembered. It makes me happy in my happy place. That sounded vaguely dirty but it wasn’t supposed to.

  2. myoctober says:

    I’ve heard about your threats. I have a breakfast buddy source. Please don’t, as I would miss you. :( Mmk?

  3. Ashley says:

    Where did all the pictures go?

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