Highlights from Jacob’s Gossip Girl Recap, 3X01 — “Reversals of Fortune”

ashley[You might not know this, but we at Big Damn Heroes have this thing with Jacob Clifton over at Television Without Pity. We are basically in love with his words. I thought it might be handy to provide you with examples of why. You don’t necessarily have to have seen the episode in order to appreciate this, but it helps. The full recap can be found here, and you can follow Jacob on Twitter by clicking here. He also does True Blood and has previously written about Farscape and Battlestar Galactica. As Heather Anne wrote yesterday, Jacob’s GG recaps are superb, and honestly, sometimes they are the only reason I keep watching. The show is redonkulous.]

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  1. “They finally get out and she has a huge purse, which as you know is the number one danger sign.”
  2. “This show made me a lot less nervous when it was pretending politics, poverty and people of color were just figures of mythology.”
  3. “Chuck is living at the Palace now, so Eric is taking Chuck’s room and Jenny is moving into Eric’s room. Dan will be living up his own asshole, and Serena will float several feet above the floor in a fog of sandalwood and champagne giggles.” [Emphasis mine.]
  4. “Anyway, Serena does some lying about some things, which relieves Rufus and absolves him of all responsibility, so she runs off to go buy a polo hat — which she never ends up buying, and I was kind of excited about — but Dan follows her with a little storm cloud over his head.” [I, too, was excited about the fabled yet never-to-be polo hat.]
  5. “Dan is, of course, deeply disappointed in Serena. Both as a sister and a friend, but mostly as a human being.”
  6. “She lives under bridges and feeds rats to her hair and hangs out in this coffeeshop with douchey half-Humphries hating the rich and stealing from the poor. I hope she can forget her hobo roots and socially acclimate at NYU when school starts next week. JUST KIDDING! She will never do that.”
  7. “Oh, fuck you, Vanessa. She seriously is the best character in the entire universe because she makes me feel like TV is real. After doing this job for so long I can’t just give in and do that anymore very often, but man, Vanessa makes me feel like I’m five years old, honestly wondering why Gargamel has to act like such a dickhead all the time . . . The other good thing about fantasies and cartoons and things of this nature is that they’re not real. I mean, it’s fun to think about ‘What if a wizard hated little blue people’ but mostly it’s fun because you know little blue people are highly unlikely. What makes Vanessa so violently disturbing is that she actually exists and there are more of her than there are of you. And you just might be one and not even know it.”
  8. “It takes her picoseconds.” [What the fuck is a picosecond?]
  9. “. . . and Serena is sad, and starts crying and saying that her father totally wanted to see her all the times she and Carter tracked him across the entire world, but it was just weird coincidences that they didn’t manage to connect to him. Theory: Serena’s father is Carmen Sandiego.” [Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?]
  10. “It’s hard to figure out, because she’s so viciously earnest about everything that you assume she’s also being a bitch on purpose, but this episode especially there’s a running thing where she’s like, ‘Wait, I just totally went nuts, fuck,’ which actually also happened with Jenny and that Nate letter, and her tears over that affair were very real and very sympathetic and made me respect her a lot more. I guess we’ve just not seen her do this enough, or the dots haven’t been connected enough, so that she just seems like two different flip-flopping insane people, but if you look at it that way she’s just basically normal and kind of lovable. I mean, if you made a book of all the mean drunk texts I’ve sent boys in the last year alone it would blow up in your hands like Shark Week. Doesn’t mean you feel that way the next day, or even necessarily when you’re saying it. You know? Alternate and truly dreadful theory: I am exactly the same kind of asshole as Vanessa Abrams, which is why I hate her.”
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Comments
2 Responses to “Highlights from Jacob’s Gossip Girl Recap, 3X01 — “Reversals of Fortune””
  1. Jen says:

    It bugged me that she didn’t actually buy a hat. Love this recap.

  2. heatherannehogan says:

    The Gargamel is one of my all-time favorites!

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